Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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