Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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