He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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