we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
