please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
