I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize