My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
