eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
