I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
