Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
