i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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