i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
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We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is her dick bigger than yours?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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