Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
