question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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