why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's official drugs can't kill me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
