Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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