So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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