and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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