Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
