I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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