We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
