And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
