he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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