i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize