she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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