Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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