Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
