it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
