I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
