There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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