I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize