I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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