; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
