Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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