i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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