GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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