if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
