I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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