I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
