i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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