I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
