Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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