remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
