I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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