Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
