I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
