maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
