Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
