Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
