Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
