Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
