Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
