she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
