I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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