I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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