Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
