What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
