life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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