Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
