Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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