I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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